Richard La Ruina in his The Natural Art of Seduction provides four great tips for keeping a relationship successful:
“1. Don’t ask too many questions. An unattractive man is always wondering if things are okay and if the girl is happy; it conveys approval-seeking, weakness, neediness, all the bad stuff. An attractive man can still look for signs from the girl and adjust his behaviour accordingly; he’s not rude, but he assumes things are fine and is generally comfortable.
2. Lead, make decisions and surprise her. This is very important. The man needs to be leading. Questions like this should be avoided: “Where would you like to go tonight?” “What would you like to do today?” “What film shall we watch?” “What do you want to do for your birthday?”. Putting the decision-making power on the woman gives her higher status and takes away yours. It is not being nice, or polite, or equal; it is being boring and unattractive. Women love to be led around and to be surprised, so do it! Examples: “I’m hungry, let’s go eat.” “Let’s go and watch a film.” “Wear casual clothes, we are doing something active!”
3. Send mixed messages and make her work. This is about being less attainable and remaining a challenge. Don’t have lots of long phone conversations, call every day, text her all day long, send loads of emails, and try to see her every day. When you are with her, give her your all. When you are apart, get on with your life. The attraction builds when you have stuff to do and she has to work for you. Again, it’s not being rude, it’s being a man. Don’t chase her and the frame of the relationship will change. As long as she has to work for you, she’ll always be interested.
4. Don’t change yourself for her. There are going to be things about you she doesn’t like. Some she will have a good reason for. If she does and you agree, change them. If she doesn’t like your clothes, music, hobbies, friends, but you do, DO NOT change for her. When a woman has changed a man into her ideal, she becomes bored and will look for the next project! It’s part of why she wants the bad boy, she wonders if she could be the one who tames him.”
While the suggestions are elementary, they cover many of the pitfalls men fall into while within a relationship.
By forgetting the first, he is forgetting basic game theory and not presenting himself as a man secure in the situational frame. He needs his woman to reassure him that everything is alright. You do not want to convey this.
By forgetting the second, he is giving his woman all of the power. Fundamentally, women do not want to lead, have no interest in doing so and will find a man who lets them repulsive. Try asking your girl one of the above. You’ll get a very telling ‘oh, I don’t know.’ Above all, women want their man to act like a man should and part of that is being dominant in decision-making and decisive.
By forgetting the third, he is making himself at her beck and call and showing her that she is his focus in life, which has to be avoided. Your focus in life should be about furthering yourself. You should spend your time apart working on career goals, practicing your hobbies and expanding your mind. Not daydreaming about her and constantly desiring her contact. Every time you send a morning text of ‘just woke up, I love youXXXXXXXXXXXX” you are presenting yourself as needy and placing her on a pedestal above all else in your life. She will smell this a mile off and her interest will recede.
By forgetting the fourth, he is bending to a woman’s will and giving her the power to change him. As stated, women want a powerful man. They want a man who will hold like iron, rather than crack like a twig. In letting her shape your actions you are showing her that you do not have strength of resolve. A strong man has belief that what he is doing is right. He will not bend just because his partner is against it. As long as he considers it correct, he will stick to his guns and carry on down the same path.
Ruina’s book is well worth reading. It is down to earth, engaging and entertaining.
Gaming in Relationships 